Shit! I mean really: shit!
Why the friggin heck do I not learn to keep my mouth shut and myself to myself in matters of the heart?
Before yesterday things looked like they would work out somehow. Being friends seemed manageable, feelings locked up, stored up and starved of oxygen. Then I make a stupid comment, really designed to be flippant and get shot down in flames. The two word reply struck harder than a slap in the face.
Then came the apology, which was fine I guess. A few more exchanges and the words that cut like a knife: "my friend."
I know I agreed that being friends was better than nothing, but that hurt. It felt like none of what I thought we had was real. So I blew my top tried to explain how I felt for once. I don't want to just lie down, be the walk-over anymore that I have been for 13 years.
Now there is silence and silence is bad. I don't know if it's because of what I said or how I said it. All I know is that I want to cry.
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