Pretty Shit Year

Another year and another disaster.
What is it this time? Where to start?
Pats has died. I am single again after 13 years. I am on my own. Yes, it was me who called it quits, I couldn't bear being nothing but a flat mate anymore. Nor could i face another night of sleeping in our bed while he spent time with the booze in the living room. I have had enough of being taken for granted. No more being a doormat.
AS a result, I have been relegated to the big bad evil, because I moved on. I made the decision and that automatically means that I am to blame.
Our friends claim they feel awkward. In fact so awkward that I am no longer welcome in our usual pub when they are there. They, get this, said we were selfish in breaking up because of the impact it would have on them. This being the same friends who practically encouraged me to do this because they noticed I had been unhappy for a while.
And they don't want to take sides. Yet they clearly are. He has told everybody and thus I am the big bad who needs to be ostracised. Even asking them for help constructing  wardrobes for just half an hour elicits only the suggestion that maybe a book could do the same thing for me. Quite frankly: screw you! If that is how react when a friend asks for help , then clearly you are no friend!
All of that is not exactly designed to make me feel cherished, welcome or anything remotely like being appreciated.
then this morning came the body blow i feared was coming, but had hoped was just my paranoia.
THe one person I had my heart set on, the one person, who stood by me, the one guy whose messages, pictures and emails made me ready to face the world, told me we had no future as a couple because there was an ocean and a continent between us, that it was better to stop now and try and be friends, rather than face the harshness and heartache any ill-fated long distance relationship seemingly inevitably must end in. 
I do not deny that having a long distance relationship across the Atlantic and the US is tough going. I know that physical contact is important in relationships, believe me, I know. I know we only spent fleeting short moments in each others company and I know that they were not enough, that I wanted more