Deep thoughts and emotional turmoil

I supose it is entirely possible that the seven year hump drags n into year 8 and 9 of a relationship. Things remain unsaid that should have been talked about. Little things get blown out of all proportions as a knock-on effect of this.
The question on my mind is, though is it normal that after this length of time the relationship with your partner feels more like being flatmates that lovers? You live together, you sleep in the same bed if for less often at the same time. There are moments of tenderness as well as passion but they have taken the back seat.
Intellectually I suppose the physical side of the relationship might be negligible but I am not intellectual. Being physical together is important to me. Sleeping together in the same bed at the same time is important to me, it is a very physical sign of appreciation.
We've never given eachother many cuddles outside our beds and that is wrong too. These days I feel I get more hugs from my colleagues than my man.
I'm sure there are things that bug Frank about me, like the amount of weight I've gained in the last 5 years and my tendency to be messy. I can live with the second, am not sure about the first but the things that really hurt me were when he called me pompous and arrogant and the fact that he does not actually take the time to listen and think about what my thoughts are on some matters. He might not agree with me on somethings and I don't claim to agree on everything with him but at least I try to listen and see where he comes from. or what he does. Somehow in the attribution of blame I feel putting on weight is a far lesser "crime" than turning yourself into an alcoholic. You can ask whether the one begets the other until the cows come home it is a chicken and egg scenario into which external factors have been introduced that work on internal motivations. Nonetheless they will need to be addressed.
And in the middle of it all the question of whether there is an excuse for selfishness on grounds of self-preservation.
A new player has entered the field, well been made to join more like, and now there is emotional upheaval. I know Frank and I had a good thing for a long time. I know we should try and work on it and yet there is doubt as to whether it might not be better to stop?